Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Take That! Tax and Trade Bureau!

I wrote this piece of reasoning after my Crushpad rep had reservations over my wine label saying "Happiness. . . Bottled".

Regarding the TTB issuing any such judgment based on the word “Happiness” as morally obsequious to the act of imbibing alcohol in excess, I ask for pardon.

D1: For the purposes of this demonstration, I define the term “Happiness” as the pinnacle of achievement in any such physical realm of human interaction by which people may rejoice in their collective merit, so long as it was dedicated to the object that can now be attributed as the focus of said happiness.

D2: may we all agree upon the term “Bottled” as the past tense of the act of containing a substance, and by association, the essence of that which is bottled, within a container appropriate to the substance and its essence.

D3: By “Product” we shall refer to any substance that has come into existence by means of a willful act.

A1: Wine is alive. Such that a living, aspirating organism is able to sustain itself of its basic functions within a medium, it is alive.

A2: The act of making wine is an act of cultivation. From the moment the solution of Vitis Vinifera mass and yeast is exposed to conditions sufficient to support microbial aspiration, the winemaker is responsible for the maintenance of a highly complex relationship between an animal and a plant species. This relationship may be observed in numerous accounts throughout human civilizations and is referred to as agriculture.

P1: The act of cultivating wine requires a great deal of physical and mental exertion, and can thereby be considered stressful. Wine also carries with it need for vast quantities of time and space: namely its aging period, during which it is closely scrutinized and maintained by a team of observers; and its space requirements, 1 barrel of wine is approximately four feet long and can weigh as much as 750 pounds, thus imparting considerable space requirements per barrel.

P2: Compensation for work performed is axiomatic to any Capitalist society and can rightly be viewed by it attribution to Justice. In societies that place value on the final product of said work in the form of currency, it can be agreed that in adequate proportion, the buyer gets what the buyer has paid for. Therefore, in any act by which the producer has marshaled superior labor by which to produce his product, the product of such labor will be superior to the same magnitude, and must confer a cost benefit to the producer.

P3: Compensation from the production of a good comes in at least as many forms as money and happiness. Money insofar as the producer wishes the product to be sold to others. Happiness insofar as the product represents the producer’s ability and the history of that producer in the attainment of the craft which brought said product into existence.

P4: The container appropriate to the product of winemaking is a formed, glass bottle.

C1: By P3 and D1, winemakers are compensated in happiness.

C2: By D2 and P4, the act of winemaking requires the act of bottling wine as a product.

C3: If the product of winemaking must be compensated through happiness and the act of winemaking requires bottling, then the winemaker must undergo compensation as far as the winemaker undergoes bottling. And as the owner of any business may reinvest adequate compensation into the business, the winemaker may reinvest adequate compensation into the bottles.

C4: Therefore, the winemaker, being adequately compensated by happiness from the production of wine, may bottle happiness received from producing said wine in such a manner that the act of imbibing said wine to excess holds no bearing to the intention of conceptualizing, creating or producing said wine.